Man Legacy
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Man Legacy
What Type of Emotional Legacy Are You Leaving your Family?
I had remarried a couple of years before and was busy at home trying to establish a new consulting business. We had a typical family life with three teenagers at home with lots of distractions and noise; it was often hard to concentrate on my work.
My frustration was showing up in ways that I was barely aware of. One day my wife said to me very calmly, "Neill, it's bothering the kids how you are snapping at them. If you don't do something about it, you will end up as a lonely, grouchy old man."
The truth of that simple statement hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't that I could end up as a lonely old man. That could happen anyway. What hit me was the thought that my family would remember me as a grouch. I could not allow that to be my emotional legacy. The internal shift was instantaneous.
It is often easy to see in others what emotional legacy they are leaving…
- He always has a chip on his shoulder.
- She is always cheerful.
- He is always worried.
- She knows the sky is falling.
- He sees the humor in everything.
- He loves people and can always forgive.
- She is the eternal victim.
We all see such people and many more with particular emotional characteristics, some good and some not so good, but how well do they see themselves?
It may "take all types of people to make a world," but what kind of world do you want? It seems to me we're all in this together, and because we are, it matters what effect we individually have on other people. Do we add to their happiness? Has the legacy of our emotional lifestyle made some small positive contribution to human happiness?
I contend that it doesn't matter how much money you make or how much stuff you accumulate, if your style of life is emotionally negative, you cannot add to the happiness of others. Having said that, I must stress that as human beings we have both negative and positive qualities. What counts is the balance of positive to negative.
My grandmother, as a widow, raised nine children during the great depression. Quite an accomplishment! But unless I stop to think about it, I remember her simply as a depressing worrier. On reflection, one of my uncles achieved great things, but I remember him as mean and judgmental. Another relative failed many times, but what I remember of him was his optimistic and inspiring nature.
I invite you to reflect for a moment on relatives and other people you have known that are now gone. What comes to mind first? Was it their physical accomplishments or was it their emotional legacy?
Each of us can contribute to making the world a better place by giving more space in our lives to reflecting on our own emotional legacy. As I found out years ago, becoming aware of an imbalance can be quite startling.
Your emotional legacy:
Here is a little self-reflective exercise to do periodically. Write down your epitaph, paying attention to your emotional legacy, as it would be if you left this plane right now. Is it closer to:
"Here lies__________, who shed light on dark souls."
or to
"Here lies__________ in his natural state, cold"
Now rewrite your epitaph to reflect your emotional legacy as you would like it to be. Make it happen.
About the Author
Psychologist Dr. Neill Neill maintains an active practice on Vancouver Island, BC, Canada, with a focus on healthy relationships and life after addictions. He is the author of Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide.
www.neillneill.com,
Why was Galileo the first man to establish a split between humanists and scientists?
Before Galileo, a scholar was seen holistically, studying math, speaking, philosophy, arts, etc. Look at Leonardo da Vinci - he was a master engineer and painter yet his legacy is of a Renaissance Man. With Galileo, however, his overall education is lost to his scientific work. Why from that point on were men classified as humanist or scientist but not both?
I would have to agree that essentially humanists and scientists shared the "renaissance ideal." The way they would have been separated is through the rejection of Aristotalian logic to explain nature. In Galileo's case, Aristotle believed that the Earth was the center of the universe and logically "proved" it. Galileo used empirical evidence and mathematics to prove that Copernicus's heliocentric model was actually true. Galileo's rejection of logic to prove natural phenomenon can be seen as a split between humanists and scientists. However, Galileo paved the way for Newton. Newton is an interesting case and he is seen as somewhat of a paradox. Newton was a mechanistic humanist. He believed the earth was created by a Creator but the creator put laws in place to govern nature and the Creator had no hand in the world after creation. He was a theologian--so he went against most humanistic ideals concerning religion. He was an Aristotalian--he valued the use of reason and rationality to discover natural philosophy. He was a scientist--he believed creation was governed by laws which can be mathematically proven. Based on Galileo and Newton I would say that a humanist could be a scientist and vice versa.
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