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Signed Numbered
Three Top Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble Or That Divorce Is Possible
Many people intuitively know when their marriage is really in deep trouble. Sure, some will try to tell themselves that they've just "grown comfortable," and that it's not realistic to expect for the passion to last forever. But most of the time, that nagging little voice in the back of your mind that is telling you that something is wrong won't really be quiet. Even though you may try to shush your worries, you find yourself noticing the little things that point to big problems.
Many times, people will email me and ask me if certain things are signs of a marriage being in trouble. So, in the following article, I'm going to list what I think are the three biggest indicators that your marriage might be in serious jeopardy and I will also tell you what to do about these things.
Sign Number One: The Intimacy Is Just Not There: Admittedly, when you have a house, kids, and parents to take care of, it's unrealistic to think that you and your spouse should still be all over each other in the way that you were in the beginning. But, there still should be that closeness and that electricity when you are together. Even if you're not being intimate as much as you might like, you should still see the loving gestures like the hand holding, the hugs, and the back rubs.
All of us are short on time and attention these days, but when you love someone and the relationship is one of your top priorities, you will often find a way to discover some hidden time. In short, you will make time for what is your highest priority.
What To Do About This Lessening Intimacy: The old date night suggestion sounds cliche and it may not even be possible if you have small children or a budget. But nothing says that you can't set aside time to be together at home without sacrificing much time or money. You can take a walk, watch the stars, or pour a glass of wine and talk. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as the two of you relax, talk, and connect on a regular basis.
Sign Number Two: Short Or Nonexistent Conversations: Honestly, people will typically worry the most if they notice changes in the bedroom. But, changes in conversations are just as troubling. When your spouse is sharing their hopes, dreams, and fears with someone other than you, that's a serious problem. When your unloading on your friends rather than your spouse, this is a danger sign.
Think about how you and your spouse used to talk for hours when you were dating and ask yourself if things have gone silent today. Of course, it is unrealistic to think that you can burn up the phone lines in the way that you once did, but your spouse should be your go to person with whom you want to share and discuss things. If this isn't happening, take notice.
What To Do About Your Talking Much Less: Like with many things that have to do with strengthening your relationship, you will often have to make this a high priority and to schedule a time for it. Try to check in with each other at least every couple of days. Set aside some time when you will not be interrupted or rushed. This might feel awkward at first, but the more you do it, the more natural it will feel and the more relief and closeness it will bring.
Warning Sign Number Three: You're Spending Less And Less Time Together (And May Be Telling Yourself That You Have Legitimate Reasons For It:) You might have noticed that you are both spending less and less time at home and more and more time at work or with your friends. Often, you will tell yourself that you have these obligations that just can't be helped. The truth is, many of us don't want to face the fact that we are drifting apart and therefore will make all sorts of excuses to distance ourselves from the relationship and from the awkward silence of our home. This is probably the biggest warning sign that there is because the next step is often waking up in the morning and seeing a stranger sleeping beside you.
What To Do About Spending Less Time Together: Hoping that this will get better and just work itself out is probably the worst thing that you can do. Once the drift happens, it will often accelerate and get worse. You can't just ignore the problem. You have to take swift and decisive action. Again, this requires shifting your attention and your priorities. People often tell me that when they try to force more time together, they ultimately become frustrated because it feels fake and awkward. They will tell themselves that they've just drifted apart and that there is not much that can be done about this.
Well, you just have to keep trying and to work through the awkwardness. You have to chose your activities well so that they will be somewhat lighthearted, fun, and low in pressure. And you have to ask yourself would you rather put up with a little awkwardness now or would you rather potentially have a failing marriage later? The sooner you try to begin working on things, the greater the chance of success.
Unfortunately for me, I ignored the little voice that told me that my marriage was in trouble until it was almost too late. I just told myself that we were "comfortable" rather than accepting that we were growing apart. This almost cost me my marriage. Luckily, over time (and by taking calculated baby steps), I was able to reestablish intimacy and bring back his love. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com
About the Author
Leslie Cane's blog is at http://isavedmymarriage.com. She enjoys sharing the story of how she saved her own marriage to help others.
the native people signed numbered treaties with government. what did they receive in exchange for their land?
Land and the rights to operate casinos forever while the rest of us can't. They've gotten super rich off this, but many blow it all on fire water
"the Wire" Matt Lloyd at Signed and Numbered