Comics

William Shatner

Famous Misquotations

by Philip Yaffe

As a collector of quotations, I occasionally wonder if some of my favorite specimens are actually correct. In many cases, they seem too good to be true.

I recently researched the subject on the Internet and came up with a number of quotations that indeed seemed to have been altered after the fact. I don't know how accurate these revelations are, and for the most part I don't care. Whether these quotes were actually said the way we know them today is of no real consequences. They have stood the test of time, which means they say something of lasting value; only a pedant would be overly concerned about their authenticity.

On the other hand, certain quotations are entirely fictitious. They put words in the mouths of people who never said them and sometimes portray them as holding beliefs and defending ideas to which they were actually opposed. Tracing the origins of such quotations is both fascinating and necessary to avoid tarring people with the wrong brush.

Without in any way vouching for their accuracy (I am relying on someone else's research), here are some of the revelations I found during my Internet research.

Famous misquotations of real persons

 

 

•   "The British are coming!" –- Paul Revere

 

 

This famous cry to announce the start of the American Revolution (War of Independence) in 1775 is most likely a misquotation of a line from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's celebrated poem "Paul Revere's Ride," published in 1860. Until ratification of the Declaration of Independence in 1776, proclaiming the original 13 colonies to be independent of the mother country, many colonists still considered themselves British rather than American. Most likely what Revere actually cried out was, "The Regulars are coming out!"

 

 

•   "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." — Voltaire.

 

 

The quote, from the book Friends of Voltaire (1907) by Evelyn Beatrice Hall, seems to be an update of a line from Voltaire's Essay on Tolerance, where he wrote, "Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do the same."

 

 

•   "I cannot tell a lie. It was I who chopped down the cherry tree." — George Washington

 

 

Washington never made this statement when his father asked who had cut down the tree. The cherry tree story was actually written in the 1800s by biographer Parson Weems and the tree was not "chopped down" in it.

 

 

•   "Judy, Judy, Judy!" — Cary Grant

 

 

Actor Cary Grant never actually said this line in any of his films. The closest thing to it occurred in Only Angels Have Wing, in which he says "Oh, Judy," and "Come on, Judy." Where his trademark line "Judy, Judy, Judy!" comes from is a mystery.

 

 

•   "Houston, we have a problem."

 

 

This quotation is a conflation of several exchanges between the Apollo 13 astronauts and Mission Control in Houston immediately after the explosion that aborted its 1970 mission to the moon. According to the transcript, Lunar Module Pilot Fred Haise started a sentence with "OK, Houston..." which was cut off by Commander Jim Lovell saying, "I believe we've had a problem here," followed 15 seconds later by Lovell's "Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt." The misquotation was purposely used in 1998 in promotional materials for Ron Howard's award-winning film "Apollo 13."

 

 

•   "Football isn't a matter of life or death; it's much more important than that." — Bill Shankly, Liverpool (soccer) football manager

 

 

This is a much abbreviated version of the actual quote. In 1981 on a British television talk show, Shankly told the hostess, "Someone said 'football is more important than life and death to you' and I said 'Listen, it's more important than that'."

 

 

•   "(I) invented the Internet" – Al Gore

 

 

During a 1999 television interview, then Vice President Gore stated, "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system."

 

 

•   "There's a sucker born every minute" – P.T. Barnum (Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus)

 

 

Tracking down the source of this quote, one of Barnum's biographers concluded that the showman never actually said it, or anything close to it. People who knew him told the biographer than it would have been quite uncharacteristic of Barnum to make such a crass declaration.

 

 

•   "The only two certainties in life are death and taxes." — Mark Twain

 

 

Although made popular by Mark Twain, this quotation originated in a 1789 letter from Benjamin Franklin to Jean-Baptiste Leroy.

 

 

•   "I have nothing to offer but blood, sweat, and tears" –- Winston Churchill

 

 

This 1940 pronouncement by Winston Churchill at the beginning of World War II is one of the most well-known statements of any political leader in history. The phrase "blood, sweat, and tears" in particular has almost become a cliché expression. However this is not what Churchill actually said. The true quotation is, "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat." Not quite the same ring as the corrupted statement, but it did the job of rallying the British people to defend their island against the onslaught of Nazi Germany.

 

 

•   "Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated." – Mark Twain

 

 

In 1897 a journalist was sent to inquire after Twain's health, thinking he was near to death; he wasn't. What Twain actually said was, "The report of my death is an exaggeration." Contrary to popular belief, no newspaper reports of Twain's untimely demise were ever printed.

 

 

•   "Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely." — Lord Acton

 

 

A slightly abbreviate version of the actual quotation: "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

 

 

•   "The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic." — Joseph Stalin

 

 

Although widely attributed to the Soviet dictator, there is no clear evidence that he actually said it, although he very well might have wanted to.

 

 

•   "The ends justify the means." — Niccolo Machiavelli in The Prince

 

 

A highly imaginative translation of the original Italian, which is more literally translated as, "One must consider the final result."

 

 

•   "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." – Neil Armstrong, first man on the moon.

 

 

This is less a misquotation as a misstatement. Armstrong was supposed to say, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," but he somehow dropped the word "a" when he first set foot on the Moon. Subsequent attempts to correct the quotation have failed. This is possibly because the erroneous form seems to have greater "gravitas," making it somehow more appropriate to the splendor of man's first giant leap off the home planet.

 

 

•   "Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one." — Bill Gates

 

 

The quotation is correct, but the frequent attribution to Microsoft's co-founder (along with Paul Allen) is not. It should be attributed to Charles J. Sykes, author and radio talk show host.

 

 

•   "640K ought to be enough for anybody." – Bill Gates

 

Microsoft's co-founder Bill Gates admits to having made a number of false predictions, but never this one commonly attributed to him.

 

 

•   "Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into." – Oliver Hardy

 

 

Oliver Hardy was the rotund partner of the famous Laurel & Hardy comedy duo. The phrase often used by Hardy in their many films was, "Here's another nice mess you've gotten me into." The better known corrupted phrase, never actually spoken on screen, may have originated from the title of the Laurel & Hardy short film Another Fine Mess.

 

 

•   "Money is the root of all evil" — The Bible

 

 

A more accurate rendering of 1Timothy 6:10 would be, "For the love of money is the root of all evil, which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

Famous misquotations of fictional persons

 

 

•   "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well." — Hamlet by William Shakespeare

 

 

This is one of many Shakespearean misquotations. The actual quote is, "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. A TV fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

 

 

•   "All that glitters is not gold." – The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare

 

 

Actual quote: "All that glisters is not gold." Glister was the Elizabethan form of the modern word "glitter." Its vestiges can still be seen in the word "glisten."

 

 

•   "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" — Morning Bride by William Congreve

 

 

Actual quote: "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."

 

 

•   "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." — John Wayne in Hondo

 

 

Actual quote: "A man ought'a do what he thinks is best."

 

 

•   "Me Tarzan, you Jane" – Johnny Weismuller in Tarzan the Ape Man

 

 

Actual quote: "Tarzan, Jane." Weismuller repeats this several times, first taping himself while saying "Tarzan," then taping Maureen O'Sullivan while saying "Jane."

 

 

•   "Beam me up, Scotty" — William Shatner as Captain Kirk in the Star Trek television series

 

 

Actual quote: "Scotty, beam me up." Because the misquotation had become so widely circulated, it was finally used in the audio adaptation of The Ashes of Eden, a 1995 Star Trek novel co-written by Shatner.

 

 

•   "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a..." – DeForest Kelley as Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy in the Star Trek television series

 

 

Although Dr. McCoy frequently complained, "Jim, I'm a doctor, not a . . ." on TV it was never preceded by the expletive "Dammit."

 

 

•   "Play it again, Sam." — Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca

 

 

Actual quote: Ingrid Bergman's character Ilsa Lund says, "Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake. Play it, Sam. Play As Time Goes By." Play It Again, Sam was the title of one of Woody Allen's early comedy hits. Being a huge fan of Casablanca, he most likely knew the phrase was a misquotation.

 

 

•   "Oooh, you dirty rat!" — Jimmy Cagney in Blonde Crazy

 

 

Actual quote: "Mmm, that dirty, double-crossin' rat."

 

 

•   "Elementary, my dear Watson" — Sherlock Holmes

 

 

The phrase does not appear anywhere in the 60 Sherlock Holmes stories written by Sir Arthur Conan-Doyle, although Holmes does use the terms "elementary" and "my dear Watson" separately. The full four-word phrase "Elementary, my dear Watson" was first uttered in the 1929 film The Return of Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

•   "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto" — Judy Garland as Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz

 

 

Actual quote: "Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

 

 

•   "Do you feel lucky, punk?" — Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry

 

 

Actual quote: "...you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you?"

 

 

•   "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?" — Mae West as Lady Lou in the 1933 film She Done Him Wrong

 

 

Actual quote: "Why don't you come up some time, and see me?" In I'm No Angel, also 1933, the May West character does say, "Come up and see me sometime."

 

 

Philip Yaffe has more than 40 years of experience in journalism and marketing communication. At various points in his career, he has been a teacher of journalism, a reporter/feature writer with The Wall Street Journal, an account executive with a major international press relations agency, European marketing communication director with two major international companies, and a founding partner of a marketing communication agency in Brussels, Belgium, where he has lived since 1974. He is author of The Gettysburg Approach to Writing & Speaking like a Professional. Contact: phil.yaffe@yahoo.com,phil.yaffe@gmail.com.

 

 

 

About the Author

Philip Yaffe is a former writer with The Wall Street Journal and international marketing communication consultant. Now semi-retired, he teaches courses in persuasive communication in Brussels, Belgium. Because his clients use English as a second or third language, his approach to writing and public speaking is somewhat different from other communication coaches. He is the author of The Gettysburg Approach to Writing & Speaking like a Professional. Contact: phil.yaffe@yahoo.com.

How can I get William Shatner to follow me on Twitter?

It's almost like he's "ignoring" my very existence. Please help me remedy this tragic situation before I get really upset with him. I think you know what happens when I get upset. That's right, I start bad mouthing the cheap set used in the original Star Trek t.v. series.

say something that is OUT OF THIS WORLD